My Trump yard sign done caught itself a bottom feeder.
Yesterday afternoon, I’m sitting on the couch doing news and chit chat stuff on the internets when I notice two females walking up the sidewalk. The pair consist of a middle-aged woman and a 20-something gal. Seeing as how half the females in this nation must have an estrogen deficiency, very angry birds, I decide to watch these two chicas . . . this, could get interesting.
Scooching down the couch, I grabbed a few things as the duo neared my Trump sign that is soundly planted about 15 feet back from the sidewalk. People who dislike the sign are apparent, by the way. They tend to watch it as they walk on by, all the way by. Perhaps those offended are trying to stare a hole through the detested thing. Or, maybe the starers are concerned that the sign might jump up and bite ’em in the tush if they should turn their back. Crazy is the New Normal, after all.
See Also: Meet NBC News’ Brandy Zadrozny . . .
Hands and mouths got to moving when these two pedestrian people noticed the sign. The older woman was shaking her head in a slow, “no way” kind of movement when her companion suddenly broke left, rushing the innocent Trump sign. The second her body posture tended toward mah propertie, I was off the couch and on the porch, usual necessaries tucked into the usual spaces, camera in one hand, the other holding a 10″ camp knife behind my leg a bit. A calm and gentle smile graced this old lady’s face as the storm door slammed shut and I quietly asked, “Is there something I might be able to help you with, child?”
I think the “child” part is what caused the cerebral explosion. An emotions stroke must have damaged this gals language center, whatever started coming out of her mouth was unintelligible to human beings. The older lady completely ignored me while tugging at her companion’s arm as my dog lost her mind, too; barking a not dissimilar language back to our incoherent trespasser. In an instant of eye contact with the tolerant liberal in my yard, I reached my camera hand toward the door keeping Ms. Ferociousness contained to the house, widening my smile . . . the gal paused. That’s when the older female piped in.
“There’s no need to be aggressive! We’re leaving! If you let your dog out I am going to call the police and have it put in quarantine!”
Maintaining my friendly, upbeat demeanour, I answered the mutated life forms, “I wasn’t going to let the dog out, unleashed. That’s against the law. Just like trespassing is against the law. Now, if you kids would be so kind as to get the f*ck out of my yard and line of vision, I have gardening to do. Or, stick around. Your choice.” I threw my camp knife near a tree that needs mulching, the tip slicing cleanly into the ground, handle and blade straight up and down (it was a near perfect throw with my non-dominant hand, I’m freakin’ delighted) and descended the porch stairs, singing at the top of my voice.
“God bless America! Land that I love! Stand beside her, and guide her, through the night with a light from above! From the mountains, to the prairies, to the O-ceans, white with foam . . . GOD BLESS AMERICA . . .”
Kate Smith would’ve been proud. Moving down the walkway, joyfully singing, there may even have been a twirl . . . I blew a kiss to the females as they glowered and scurried off, hollering after them, “God Bless America! Have a great day, my fellow American citizens!”
That brotherhood stuff really cheeses them. Kill their brains with kindness . . . while carrying a big stick, of some sort. Today’s gonna be a good day, my fellow ‘Mericans!
Just a few stories from the pages and pages of results one will get when entering, “Trump Sign Vandalism” in an internet search engine:
– Streak of vandalized Trump signs ‘unprecedented,’ local party leaders say
– Personal property, political signs destroyed and vandalized in multiple counties
– Vandals target Havertown, Pennsylvania man’s Trump yard sign
– Candidates and voters alike suffer as yard signs are targeted for theft and vandalism
– Vandals in Teller County Target Multiple Trump Signs
– Sign Supporting President Trump Vandalized, Mt. Lebanon Police Investigating
– Banners Supporting Trump Vandalized, Stolen From North Reading Home
– Trump Campaign Signs Vandalized, Stolen In Tabernacle And Woodland Townships