Longnose pliers and spreadsheets

Sipping a coffee here, what follows may be rather funny, it’s more like, downright sad really. Long time back, like 2010, a site started up called the Weasel Zippers, a short something about the weasels

The Weasel Zippers website has been suspended, then shut down, they were suspended before such things became fashionable. Butt, who were they you may ask, well… Weasel Zippers is a conservative website with a focus on current news events. The website had over 1.5 million views per month. They were a strong supporter of the U.S. military and will often show pictures from the front lines. Weasel Zippers adds military assault videos which they call ‘War Porn’ and they document terrorists who blow themselves up prematurely, which they called

‘Jihadi Work Accident’.

Every Democrat in the news is a subject for lambasting, with a special focus on the Obamas. Also, they consistently poked fun at RINOs and Muslims. They had a YouTube channel which was terminated as well. They were doing what everyone now days do, trash those who deserve trashing because they are ones who are busy trashing our society.

When society goes full Sodom and Gomorrah, the human body stops being treated with respect.

BRIEFING

Jett here. If you clicked on this article because you’re wondering why the U.S. government is tracking pasta, eggs, Legos, shampoo bottles, and assorted household junk being pulled out of American butts every year, congratulations, you’re asking the right question, and the answer is a lot darker than the joke. Let’s get into it.

Yes, the “butt list” is real. And no, the U.S. government isn’t personally yanking pasta out of American butts, but it is quietly tracking it, and honestly, that might be just as disturbing. Federal agencies collect emergency room data on foreign objects removed from people’s bodies, and the “butt category” shows up so much, it has its own spreadsheet. ER Docs log the items, researchers study the cases, and the list grows and gets weirder every year. At first it reads like some absurd comedy, the kind of thing you screenshot and send to a friend with a “wtf is wrong with people?” caption. Then it slowly sinks in that this isn’t a prank or a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. It’s routine, documented, and normalized, and that should scare the shit (sorry, pun intended) out of everyone.

And that’s why this is the point where the humor starts to curdle. Because a society doesn’t wake up one morning stuffing pasta and eggs up their poop-shoot. These people drift to this dark place slowly… as boundaries blur, embarrassment fades, and the internal voice that used to say “absolutely not” gets quieter. When restraint—or as I like to call it, a “moral compass”—disappears, impulse takes over. And when impulse rules the mind, body, and spirit, anything and everything turns into a testing ground for boredom, sensation, extremism, and emptiness.

You don’t have to be particularly religious to recognize what’s missing here, but you do have to admit that something fundamental has disappeared. For me, as a Christian, that something is God. Others might call it conscience, or a moral compass, or whatever term feels more comfortable. But when that center erodes, behavior doesn’t just become stranger. It gets reckless, degrading, and hollow. At that point, there’s nothing left to step in and argue or moralize. The only people still intervening are ER doctors

Truthfully, the most disturbing part of the “butt list” isn’t what’s on it. It’s that someone, somewhere, lost enough moral responsibility to do this to themselves, and since it happens so often, it now has to be formally tracked.

This is how the “butt list” comes together. The data shows why these cases keep getting logged and offers a sampling of the most bizarre items doctors have had to remove. And if you’re anything like me, by the end you’ll be thinking, we need God. Immediately.

the American Journal of Emergency Medicine estimated nearly 39,000 hospital visits per year related to rectal foreign bodies, with most patients middle-aged and male. More than half involved sex toys. The rest fall into a category best described as “how did this even occur?”

Some of the worst items found in People’s butts
A full shampoo bottle, listed twice, once blamed on boredom
A baseball, documented with the explanation “to see what it felt like”
A corn cob holder
A turkey baster
A wine stopper
A plastic cleanser bottle filled with liquid
Eyeglasses
A rock
Two pencils
A vape pen
A flashlight
A battery-powered light
A film canister
A rectangular travel toothbrush
A dog chew toy
Uncooked pasta
An egg
Marbles
A sandal
A doorknob
Beard clippers wrapped in plastic, cited as constipation relief
A light bulb, inserted glass-side first
A plastic coat hanger, altered so the person could drive to the ER
A corn-cob style pipe
A thermos, discovered during a police body scan

Doctors aren’t solving the deep cultural problem we’re facing. They’re dealing with the aftermath. They’re the clean-up crew for a society that has already made its bad, dark choices. If you really want to understand why we’re here, the more useful question isn’t how objects get removed. It’s how people ended up putting them there in the first place.

DEBRIEFING

What makes this story unsettling isn’t the butt list. It’s the worldview that produced it. A society doesn’t end up here overnight, does it? No. It arrives here by slowly tossing away restraint, tradition, and the idea that anything exists above your own personal impulse.

Globalism didn’t just erase borders and markets. It elevated humanism, replacing God, faith, and moral standards with the idea that man is the final authority. Once that shift takes over, boundaries stop mattering. Shame fades, and the body becomes just another random object.

The good news is that societies and people can course correct. Returning to God, faith, and moral clarity isn’t about going backward. It’s about restoring the guardrails that make human dignity a thing. Because without them, the butt lists will just grow longer and weirder.

the Weasel Zippers had this saying

Scouring the bowels of the internet

alright then

try this

When I see stuff concerning Greenland, for some reason